so that wasnt chicken after all
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
