I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
