That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I want is dick and wine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
