their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
