you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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