In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
