I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We need to get me chipped asap
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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