i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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