really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
