Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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