i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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