I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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