i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
