Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
