we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
