Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
