After last night, I could never be a politician.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
