she smelled like a LAN party
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
