enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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