After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
