That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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