he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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