6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
