just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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