woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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