Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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