To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
