Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
