im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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