4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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