I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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