She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
