Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
