I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
