Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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