Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
