I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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