i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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