White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
