Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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