Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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