i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
