I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
