i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
