I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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