nut hugger
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Small penises have feelings too.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
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