Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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