If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize