All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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