hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
