I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
