Screwed.edu
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
