guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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