A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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