Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize