One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
