Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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