I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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