just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
