shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
