i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
