I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
