It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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