ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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