Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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