Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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