I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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