The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My ass is underappreciated
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