did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
