At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
