Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
