But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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