Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
