1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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