What a fucking waste of an outfit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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