A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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